Lily Basket
by NingyoHimeDoll
Summary: "I forgot the meaning of shame. I forgot the meaning of self-respect. I forgot I had a name. I welcomed humiliation. It's an integral part of me. It's my best friend." / Aphrodi talking about his past. Introspective. Implied one-sided Kageyama/Aphrodi. Implied noncon.


**Lily Basket**

I hate lilies.

When I was born, my cradle was adorned with lilies; the garden where I spent my childhood was full of them.  
>I used to lose myself in that purity as my mother cradled me in her arms, revealing to me in a whisper how much those beautiful flowers resembled me.<p>

I hate lilies.  
>And nevertheless, he keeps on giving them to me as a present. He says they're the flowers that represent me the most.<p>

It isn't like that.  
>They're wrong. He, my mother, my father, my teammates.<br>Everyone.  
>How can they not see?<br>Nevertheless, my body is so dirty.

Nevertheless, everytime I look at a mirror I see a rotten body reflected in it.

Nevertheless, everytime I try to wash myself after practice, I feel dirty even more.

Nevertheless, even if my nails rack convulsively on my wet skin, trying to scratch out, hurting, making it bleed, that bitter impurity seems to corrode me even more.

Everytime I dress up …  
>Everytime I eat …<br>Everytime I run across the field, nimbly dribbling my opponents…  
>The touch of those hands is always there. Not on the skin, but deeper, ready to remind me who I belong to.<p>

_You're an angel, Afuro. You're my angel._

I'm his angel.

His hands touch my shoulders, chest, hips, thighs…

So possessive, so soaked with yearning…

Ordinariness took the place of disgust.  
>My mind started to slowly but inexorably give in to such fate, to such fact.<p>

I forgot the meaning of shame.  
>I forgot the meaning of self-respect.<br>I forgot I had a name.  
>I welcomed humiliation. It's an integral part of me. It's my best friend.<p>

I'm his angel.  
>It's all I know about me.<p>

Even if he's not here anymore, even if the dirt on my body still nauseates me…  
>I find lilies on my way nowadays as well.<p>

I detest them.  
>I detest their purity, the innocent white of soft petals.<p>

I detest what will never return to me once again

I detest this dirty body.

I detest him and how he tore my mind apart. Like a broken mirror, whose reflection will always remain cracked.

I detest my mother and my father who let it happen.

I detest myself for not being strong enough.

And still, these wings continue to shine on my back everytime I make a shoot.  
>Still my teammates admire me, captivated by the angelic grace of my moves, by my limbs that endlessly sprint from side to side of the field, by my long, golden hair floating in the wind, by my play that reminisces of an ancient dance that people has now forgotten.<p>

I won't forget.  
>I will never forget. So these tears of mine will become my strength. So that my hate mixed to that feeling of awful need become one with that merciless dance. The dance that makes every opponent's goalkeeper shiver; the dance which I can't help but abandon myself to, drowning in the cruel and bitter sea of hope.<p>

I do.  
>I hate lilies.<p>

Yet those flowers are always there, fresh and beautiful, waiting for me on the threshold of my room. Someone leaves a bunch of them there for me everyday. Maybe one of my admirers.

It's so cruel.

Seeing those fresh, pure flowers everyday could make me hope again.  
>But in what should I hope...? I really don't know.<p>

I hate hope.

I hate lilies.

I feed myself with that hate.

And that's how I realize it, absently looking at the white moon, crouched on a window of my bedroom…

No one knows me, not even myself.

How ironic.  
>They call me Aphrodite.<br>I've never loved.

.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

It's the first time I translate a fanfiction of mine in english. I usually write in italian.

Fortunately there was a friend of mine (I'll call her JoyJoy here) who's filipino and she knows english very well, so she helped me out beta-reading it! Thank you so much~! ヽ(；▽；)ノ

The pairing I imagined while writing this was Kageyama/Aphrodi. I've loved this pairing since when Aphrodi first appeared in the 1st InaIre game: everything he said sounded SO much like "Yes, sousui. You're right, sousui. I'll do everything you say, sousui. You're the best, Kageyama-sousui~!". He sounded like he was his bitch, lol.

However, I wanted to portray this pairing a bit differently here. A one-sided attraction.

I hope you liked it. ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ Please, review and let me know what you think about it!


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